Bailey Zappe... For MVP?...

Can we just change the name of the Most Valuable Player award to the Most Valuable Quarterback award. It’s getting ridiculous. More ridiculous than me standing in line for an all you can eat ribs buffet saying “you know what, I think I’ll have a salad with a nice raspberry vinaigrette… wait raspberry vinaigrette has to much sugar how about just a couple of lemons instead…” There hasn’t been one QB this year that has been outstanding by any means. It has just been a very pedestrian year at best. The usual suspects have either been hurt or just played down right horribly this year, Mahomes not good, Josh Allen way too many picks, Kirk Cousins hurt, Aaron Rodgers hurt, Joe Burrow hurt. Even the newcomers haven’t been great or hurt. Trevor Lawrence was hurt and just not good but somehow he has the fourth highest odds to win, Justin Herbert Hurt, Brock Purdy has played well but I can think of two other players on his own team that should win the award before he even gets looked at but his odds are somehow the third best. Next time I look at the odds I’m sure I’m going to see Tom Brady’s name high on the list and he’s not in the league anymore but somehow his odds will be better than Christian McCaffery’s. Tom Brady should be up for most valuable player, look at the Patriots without him, clearly he is more valuable than any player playing this season.

Lamar Jackson and Dak Prescott are about the only two quarterbacks that have legit cases to win the MVP Award. Lamar has had a great season by leading his Baltimore Ravens to the number 1 seed in the AFC, which is an incredible feat for a quarterback that no one seemed to want last year. He kind of tested the free agent market and there seemed to be no takers based on his injury history. To do what he is doing this year must feel better than finding a dried out crumbled up 10-dollar bill in your pocket after it has gone through the wash. But when you step back and take a real Mona Lisa look at his numbers, they aren’t anything special. He is 14th in passing yards and 10th in passing touchdowns, now I know what you’re going to say “but, but Bwett what about his wushing stats, he’s a wunning quarterback…” and to that I say… those aren’t anything special either, he has had 821 yards rushing with 5 rushing td’s. His stats are good when you combine them together but is it MVP level good? I don’t think so. Dak Prescott has a better case for MVP than Lamar. Dak is 4th in passing yards and 1st in passing touchdowns, with 300 yards rushing and a couple rushing touchdowns to add to the equation. The only difference between Dak and Lamar is that Lamar has his team in first place, while Dak is still fighting for 2nd place and the division with the Eagles. Winning seems to mean a lot in the eyes of the voters more than I thought. oh shoot... I forgot about a quarterback that might deserve the MVP award, Joe Flacco… How could I forget about that silver fox Joe Flacco. Just like Gandalf the Grey came back to life to become Gandalf the White and help lead a victory over the Orcs, Joe has come back to life to help lead The Browns back to the playoffs. I mean Joe should definitely be in the conversation if long haired Trevor Lawerence is.

There is a hole list of guys that deserve the MVP award over both of those guys in my opinion. Well not over Joe Flacco but over Lamar and Dak. Let’s start with the most obvious one, Trent Williams for the 49ers. This man has moved actual mountains this year, he is the best athlete in the NFL, he does nothing but keep his QB safe and create gaping holes for his running backs to run through. I don’t know a lot about offensive line play, (who does) but I know when this guy got hurt and was out for a couple of games this season, the 49ers offense just didn’t look the same. Let’s stay on the same team, with Christian McCaffery, I’m not just saying he should win the MVP because he was on my fantasy team and has 100 more points than the second running back on the list. This man takes a beating by having the most carries in the league and has had one of the best years a running back can have with all those carries. He has over 2,000 total yards with 21 total touchdowns. Brock Purdy would look deficient without CMC in that back field. Tyreek Hill was on pace for an NFL record breaking year up until these last few weeks where he has been dealing with a leg injury that has hindered him from breaking the NFL receiving record. But even with his injury his odds of winning the MVP shouldn’t be anywhere around Bailey Zappes. Who the hell is making these odds and thinks that Bailey Zappe of all people should win the MVP award over Tyreek Hill that’s outrageous. He’s on a 4-12 team with a 33.5 QBR!!!!!  

Let’s switch to the other side of the ball before I pop a blood vessel in my eye from sheer angry for every defense player in the league… Defense gets no love for this award ever. Which is completely unfair, what’s the old saying defense wins championships and what’s more important than championships? Nothing. There have been only two defensive players to win the MVP award in the history of the NFL, Alan Page in 1971 and Lawrence Taylor in 1986. If there is a year to give it to a defensive player this would be it. Myles Garrett has disrupted more backfields than Sean Conery has disrupted plots to end the world. What Myles Garrett does, doesn’t show up on any stat sheet or the cover of Vogue, he just puts his head down and disrupts the game so much that it makes it impossible for quarterbacks to do anything they want. Myles Garrett and The Browns defense kept that team alive to make a super bowl run. Speaking of defenses that has kept their teams alive in the playoff hunt, how about the T.J. Watt led Pittsburg Steelers. There is no rhyme or reason that the Steelers should have a winning record, well there isn’t any reason. T.J. Watt and that defense has kept them in games even with Mitchell Trubisky and Kenny Picket trying their darndest to lose them. With those QB’s it’s amazing Mike Tomlin still has never had a loosing record. He must be good at his job, maybe we should give him the MVP. He deserves it much more than Bailey Zappe does… How is he even on the List?...

In the end, it’s ok NFL we can just change the name from Most Valuable Player to Most Valuable QB if they are never going to give to any other position. I think everyone would understand because at this point it’s pretty much what it is. This year especially they should toss the award to another position, a lot of the QB’s went down with major injuries this year and Christian McCaffrey has a legitimate case for the MVP. He has been outstanding, it’s truly a shame that he won’t even be in the conversation for it this year. You and I both know that Lamar is going to end up lifting that award and you could say he some what deserves it after leading his team to the number one seed and a first round bye but you could say the same things about McCaffrey. Come on NFL let’s see a position other than QB win this award, there are other players out there that deserve it, none of which are named Bailey Zappe. I truly don’t know how Bailey Zappe is in any conversation for MVP or even on any odds board. Did Fox Sports just put him on there to piss people off, they had to know it would make some guy in the middle of Minnesota exploding with anger. In fact, my neighbor just stopped over and asked “Did you hear that? It sounded like a giant explosion?” through my shattered teeth I responded “oo yeah nothing to worry about, it was just my head exploding after I found out that Bailey Zappe has better odds than Tyreek Hill to win the NFL MVP.”      

The End Of A Season

I went to go open my Yahoo Fantasy app like I do every Wednesday throughout the football season to see if I got the guys, I wanted off the waivers and to see how many O’s and Q’s I have this week! But my joyful force of habit turned to sadness when I realized that I got a minor bronze congratulations for getting third in my fantasy league (humble brag) and I didn’t have a match up against one of degenerate friends. It is a sad day when you realize that football is almost over for the year, and we are stuck watching basketball and hockey into the middle of July. Because nothing says Stanley Cup Playoffs like watching my sweat evaporate before it hits the ground in 100-degree heat and sunshine. What are we doing with the NHL? We don’t need the NHL going into the middle of July who cares about hockey in July besides the state of Minnesota and the country of Canada. But neither of us have had a team in the cup final since the Reagan administration, don’t know if that’s true but it sounds right…. Anyways this weekend marks the end of the NFL season. No more 14 game parlays that never hit with a Luke Schoonmaker anytime touchdown added at the last second because you saw him do 14 pulls up without his shirt on and said this guy can’t be stopped, no more gambling on Thursday night overs with Al Micheals, no more talking down to your friends about there fantasy teams and how trash they are because they took Bijan Robinson with the 3rd overall pick… “how could Atlanta not use that guy more?” The season just comes to an abrupt halt like my weight loss goals for the new year, what’s a Mediterranean Diet and how am I supposed to stick to it if I can’t have my daily cheeseburger.   

But when one door slams shut on my weight loss goals three days into the new year another door swings open to a wild west playoff saloon serving nothing but grilled cheeseburgers… or however the old saying goes… The NFL Playoffs are right around the corner and boy o boy do we have some juicy Five Guy Burger potential match ups for Wild Card weekend. I must really be craving a burger. There is a chance that we will get Stafford and the LA Rams traveling to a 40-degree cooler Detroit for a giant matchup to see who won the war between Stafford and Goff. Detroit fans will be so lost on who to route for. Their team or their favorite QB of all time. What about if the Green Bay Packers head to Jerry World to take on the Cowboys. A matchup between two all time franchises but a matchup between a coach and his old team that fired him because an aging number 12 wearing QB said so… sorry, allegedly said so. With all these crazy match ups that could potential happen in the NFC for wild card weekend, Hell somehow the Matt Eberflus led Bears have a chance to make the playoffs. What even is a Matt Eberflus and where did he come from? There is one team in the NFC that won’t have to worry about a thing besides getting Christian McCaffrey’s calf healthy and that’s the 49ers. I thought it was funny that Christian MaCaffrey had a calf injury. That could be a bestselling children’s book “Christian McCaffrey and His Calf Injury.” The 49ers clinched the first-round bye last Sunday with a win over the depleted Commanders, so they will have time to rest for whatever match up heads their way. Hopefully it’s a real Culvers Butter Burger of a match up… It might be time for a burger.  

What about over in the AFC where the Chiefs could have a bunch of possible scenarios none of which are good. The Chiefs who have looked downright awful this year finally captured their 8th straight AFC title on Sunday and their reward might be playing a home game against Josh Allen and The Bills or the fast-swimming Dolphins. That’s some reward. Congrats on winning the division here’s a crap matchup. Speaking of the Dolphins and Bills, they play a game for the division on Sunday Night, a game that could knock The Bills out of the playoffs completely if they don’t win. That’s right there a scenario out there where Sean Mcdermott and his hijack loving Buffalo Bills don’t even make the playoffs. If you have to credit the 9/11 hijackers for being well coordinated in an attempt to motivate your team, you shouldn’t really be coaching in this league. There are countless other examples of coordination in the world to go off other than the 9/11 Hijackers. How about the Human body working as one to be able to digest the triple cheeseburger I just ate from Culvers, now that takes much more coordination than a few hijackers.

  I don’t think it matters if the Bills make the playoffs or any other team for that matter because the Ravens look borderline unbeatable in the AFC. Lamar has played better than ever and looks like he has the Ravens ready to make Super Bowl run for the first time in his career. With that being said, I don’t care how good you are, how confident you look and how bad the Chiefs were this year, there is no chance that any team wants to see Taylor Swift's tour bus parked outside their stadium as Travis Kelce’s 5 o’clock shadow and those bowed legs of Patrick Mahomes come waddling off that bus as they saunter into the stadium with that look in their eyes, you know… you know the look I’m talking about. A little combination of Derek Zoolander’s most famous looks Blue Steel mixed with Magnum, now that’s pure confidence. I’m sure Andy Reid and that mysterious mustache that makes him look like the Albert Einstein of play calling will cook up some burgers and some genius plays to confuse any defensive coordinator in the AFC, yes that includes you Lord Fangs. I would not count those guys out by any means. Especially with the billions of Swifties at their backs. Swifties can scream louder than any teams’ fans in the whole entire NFL, they are going to make impossible for Tua to hear play calls in his own stadium.

So, take a deep breath on Sunday and enjoy the last weekend of regular season football for the season. Enjoy the last week of your NFL playoff eliminated team. Enjoy all the back up QB’s that will be playing so the starters don’t get hurt, maybe throw a little passing yards over on Blaine Gabbert, the guy has sat behind two NFL greats over the last few years he had to pick up some tricks of the trade, plus he is playing an awful chargers pass defense… Enjoy the last 14 leg parlay your going to bet with a Chigoziem Okonkwo anytime touchdown. So, whatever you enjoy about the football season savor it this weekend, savor the memories with friends, savor the crack of an ice-cold Dr. Pepper right at kickoff, savor the last week of redzone channel, savor Scott Hanson yelling through my speakers “7 hours of commercial free football starts now”, savor that 6th slice of pizza from Papa John’s that you didn’t need but had to have because there was just enough garlic butter to dip it in, savor your team losing 70-20. But most of all just savor the moment because 9 months is a long time till the start of the next NFL season and a lot can happen between now and then.

The Mahomes That Stole Christmas!

It’s becoming really hard to be a sports fan during the holidays. Christmas really needs to move from the weekend back to the weekday, how am I supposed to pay attention to the NFL, NBA, Christmas movies and family, all while trying to prepare a Hawaiian style honey baked ham lathered in pineapple juice and brown sugar for my family? By the way if you haven’t had a spiral ham drowning in a concoction of pineapple juice, brown sugar and honey, you haven’t lived. I thought about ordering a KFC family bucket the night before and reheating it for Christmas dinner, just so I had time to enjoy football. Am I supposed to ignore my family and all the holiday tradition just so I can watch Patrick Mahomes sob on the sidelines after losing to Maxx Crosby's tattoo coated body and the Las Vegas Raiders. I’m really caught in some first world problems over here. Christmas is supposed to be full of wonderment and cheer, when you walk down the stairs for the first time and see all the presents underneath a tree that has way to many lights on it next to a toasty warm fire, but instead of sweating from my mom having the house set at 85 degrees and the fireplace full of so much wood you could power a coal locomotive, I’m sweating profusely from every part of my body, hoping that The Giants can make a second half comeback with Tyrod Taylor at the helm, so that they can cover 12 points against the Eagles. I should only be sweating from the house being way too hot, not from football games.

The holidays are supposed to be for family not sports. But if you have family members that love to tell the same stories for the 32nd time this week, sports do make for a great excuse to go hide in the basement when your uncle who won’t shut up about the year, he took his 7th grade JV football team to the quarterfinals of a in county championship. I get it Gary you would have gone pro if it wasn’t for the blind side block that the kid wearing #36 from Farmington laid on you in the state championship back in 78. But hearing the same stories repeatedly is an important part of the joy of the holidays, pretending to listen and care about your family’s high school glory days is great practice for later in life when your significant other drones on about Carol down the street having a better recipe for tater-tot hotdish than she does. I really don’t care about Carol and her hot dish, but my wife will never know because of all the listening and pretending to care practice I had growing up during the holidays. I miss those days when there wasn’t a great match-up between the two first place teams in their respected conferences Baltimore and San Francisco on Christmas day night. I would much rather be squeezed around a TV with way too many of my extended family members watching Christmas Vacation for the 50th time while laughing at the same jokes because it’s tradition. But instead, I’m hiding in the freezing cold basement sucking down enough whiskey to keep my body temperature from freezing watching Sam Darnold try and make a comeback on a 20-inch black and white tv with dials on it to change the channel because I’m addicted to the NFL. I should really investigate my parents’ basement and find out where that draft was coming from, at one point I could feel my saliva freezing.  

You know who should really be angry about the NFL playing on Christmas besides Jesus, my mom, my wife, my cousin, Carol, and her hot dish, every holiday movie ever made, is the NBA. Christmas day used to be their day, they owned the TV viewing experience, from 11am till Midnight all you had was NBA basketball, well basketball and the 24-Hour marathon of A Christmas Story on TBS. Back in the day I could take part in all the holiday fun because I didn’t need to watch Lebron complain about his foot being off the line, on a fourth quarter game tying jumper vs the Wolves. NBA knows they can’t compete with any game the NFL throws out there. It could be Panthers, Cardinals and for some reason we would watch it over Lakers, Warriors. The NBA will be so happy when Christmas moves to a Tuesday next year and they will have their day back to themselves. Well, them and you know Jesus… That is unless the NFL decides to do a special Tuesday Night game between The Chiefs and Eagles… I wouldn’t put it past those greedy corporate overlords.

With New Years Eve (amateur drinking night) being on a Sunday this year that’s another holiday that I must dodge around just so I can watch football. Everyone seems to want to go out downtown and drink with a bunch of immature 21-year-olds all night long but that just sounds miserable to me. Maybe it’s because I’m getting old and don’t want to deal with screaming people in my ear all night long or maybe it’s because the Packers and Vikings play on Sunday Night and I love watching a shirtless Kirk Cousins do the SKOL chant on live TV. I would much rather watch a hammered Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper take tequila shots while talking to John Mayer in Japanese Cat Bar, then go anywhere near that downtown atmosphere. Not going to lie, the Cat Bar is my definition of Hell, that’s way too many cats for me. There was a time in my life when going out to bars and drinking until I threw up all over the cab driver sounded great, but that time has long passed. Staying at home cracking a nice pinot, maybe making some buffalo chicken dip if I’m feeling a bit naughty, sounds like such a better night than the regret that comes with bars on New Years. I would much rather have cheese regret than liquor regret. So, I guess I’m ok with football being on New Years Eve, especially during the Fantasy Football Championship, it makes for the best excuse ever to not hit the town.   

In conclusion, I know we can’t just move the days around, there are rules to this hole calendar thing dating back to when a Roman by the name Julius Caesar invented the Julian Calendar. He’s the one that was always pictured wearing that leaf crown, right? But from now let’s agree to never put Christmas near the weekend ever again, there is way too much going on for me to find the time to balance family and football. I know it’s a certain someone’s birthday but I’m sure if you told him our dilemma, he would understand completely and be just fine with his birthday always being on Wednesday. But New Years Eve can remain on Sunday till the end of time, that is the excuse everyone needs to not go out to the bars and deal with screaming first time bar drinkers. By the way, that seems like way too many people in Times Square at one time, seeing that makes me think I might be the only one who likes to stay home on New Years Eve. I don’t know about any of you but I’m looking forward to next year when I have the proper amount of time to make my Hawaiian Ham, watch our favorite Christmas movies, “listen” to the same stories, all without any distractions from Patrick Mahomes tears, while still completely ignoring the NBA all together.