Dear Sean Peyton's Smug Face.... I'm Sorry

In the famous words of Justin Biebers 2019 banger “Is it too late to say I’m sorry?” Mr. Peyton, Sean, it’s ok if I call you Sean? Great! Sean I may have been a little harsh earlier in the year telling you to go back to Coaching high school football and making a shitty Adam Sandler movie. Sorry Adam you didn’t need to catch a stray bullet there. Not my brightest moment I can admit when I was wrong. I was a little angry after the Dolphins put up 70 on you but now that we are 10 weeks into a season in which I stopped believing in all things good in this world, you have started to make me believe again! With a win over the Chiefs and now the Bills things are looking up, way up, towards the asteroid that will eventually extinct the human race… 

Now the job isn’t done yet still a lot of work left to do but good god are you a better coach than Sean McDermott! Between us guys “what the hell was he doing last night?” I mean Josh Allen was far from great, he was running around throwing picks left and right looking like he just got his head chainsawed off by Bubba Sawyer! No body with that good of protection should look that bad! But that’s nothing compared to… having 12 men on the field on the last play of the game, how is that even possible?! Amazing how undisciplined a team could be! Unlike our Denver Broncos they would never do such a thing not under your brilliant coaching mind!

“Is It Too late to say I’m sorry?” About calling your PMS 1655 C colored face one of the most smug pieces of shit I’ve ever seen… reading back on what wrote after week 3, I was not a good person then and I am sorry! I started seeing a therapist, her name is Carol and she is a lovely women. She is helping me to work out my football angry towards Denver Broncos coaches not named Mike Shanahan, Fangs and of all people Gary Kubiak! If you want I can schedule a couples therapy session, we can go together and you can help me be a better person… You can get back to me, I’ll have my assistant Todd get in touch. Ooooo we should bring Todd, You would love Todd, he was on the 2020 United States Olympic Poll Vaulting team he could show you how to jam a poll up your ass if you don’t make the playoffs!!!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was uncalled for it just comes out sometimes, this why I’m in therapy…. 

“Is It Too late to say I’m sorry?” By the way that song came out in 2019 maybe I’m not as old as I thought because I thought for-sure that came out back when I was sitting in Spanish class adjusting my shorts, staring at Miss Garcia wondering what it would be like if we ran away to the small hill top village of Mallorca, Spain together…..ahhh Miss Garcia “is it too late to say I’m sorry because I’m missing more than just your body”….. my bad, I got a little side tracked I thought I was in therapy giving you a glimpse into the my dirty, dirty 15 year old self… where was I? Oh yeah, Bieber, sorry, banger, smug face, apology…  

“Is It Too late to say I’m sorry?” what a banger! WHAT A BANGER!!! It maybe to late to say I’m sorry and Sean, I deserve that. I didn’t give you chance to fix the mess and now I can see what your trying to do! So I hope we can work through our problems and I won’t have too introduce you to Todd’s giant poll! So, good luck the coming weeks I’ll check back in and see how your doing in a few weeks time! Hey Sean, Sean? Thanks for not having the last name McDermott! 

Love Letter To Hawaii Rainbows

As another college football season comes to conclusion we can look back fondly at all the great games there were including, Colorado vs TCU when Deion and his Buffalos stampeded on too the college football landscape by going cloven hoof to webbed foot with the national champion runner ups! We thought that Deion and his newly formed Jackson St team were going to make a run at the national championship after that win. But things truly started to go south very quickly for his Colorado Buffalo's Program and we realized that his young players aren’t the best! Let’s turn our attention to one of the many shoot outs of the year USC vs Washington! Trojans vs Huskies! “The” NFL prospect Vs a top ten pick! This game was fantastic, it was like Caleb Williams and Michael Penix Jr. were back in grade school just whipping balls around in the back yard to wide open receivers! Soo many points scored sooo much defense not being played it was a truly a spectacle of epic proportions! It was made that watch better by being able to watching it on a modern LG, 4K, 60 inch screen just soaking in all of the magic of college football…. Oooo wait someone wanted to watch a UFC fight were two men played grab ass in a ring for 30 mins instead! So I was stuck watching it on my iPhone 11 with 4 giant cracks going down the screen making it hard to see anything that was happening… but what a game nonetheless… I could go on and on about all the great games this year! Alabama vs Texas, Ole Miss, LSU with a shoot out for the ages, so on and so forth.

But I’m not here to talk about all the great games that happened this year, college football has a habit of spoiling us year after year with some unforgettable football moments! No, I’m here to talk about a certain team that isn’t on any ones map, hell it’s not on a map at all if your looking at the lower 48 states! It’s a little place that is just a measly 3,983 miles off the coast of Lake Superior on the island of Oʻahu! The island of Oʻahu is home to The University of Hawaii Rainbow Warriors! Rainbow Warriors football has always been near and dear to my soul from growing up and trying to take the legendary Colt Brennan (rest in peace) to a National Championship in EA Sports NCAA Football 2006. Well sorry not Colt Brennan per se but a similar looking #15 with the same build and same stats as Colt Brennan! We would go 12-0 every year trying to add tougher and tougher opponents but The BCS always seemed to foil those plans by putting us at #3 just outside the ranks of the college football elites! I think the committee found join in leaving us out of the national championship! It was a load of B.S. year after year being snubbed, I knew exactly how the 2017, undefeated, UCF Knights felt when they got snubbed for a chance at the national championship! Its been 17 years and as you can tell I’m not bitter at all towards the BCS… 

As the years go on i would check in from time to time too see how the rainbows were doing, I would always see some great names that would start at QB for the Rainbow Warriors including, the aforementioned Colt Brennan, Cole McDonald, Bryant Moniz and Timmy Chang who is now funny enough now the head coach of the Rainbow Warriors. Timmy Chang was a great QB for the Rainbow Warriors from the years of 2000 to 2004 he accumulated some of the greatest passing stats in program history including 17,072 passing yards with 117 passing touchdowns! Truly one of the all time greats! He is now hoping to bring some of that great passing magic to the current Hawaii Rainbow Warriors program! Who could use it the Rainbows have not been good scoring points this year. They need to find the next Timmy Chang or Colt Brennan because I don't think Brayden Schager has the goods. Not to get to sappy on you for a moment but The Hawaii football program has been there for me over the past few years kind of like a warm distracting North Shore wave that is covering me like a blanket from life! When ever I have had a hard time sleeping on Saturdays staying up worrying about the hardships of life and just the day to day struggles of trying to get through this thing called life! I can turn on the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors football and watch their defense give up 60 points and for some reason all my worries go away for at least 4 hours! I am thankful for those late nights they have gotten me through more than a few hard times! Isn’t that what makes sports great? A four hour distraction from day to day life to make you feel good and forget about everything just for a small moment in time. But their was one moment in my life where my accessional checking in fandom turned into full on addiction to the program…

That moment was when I first started sports betting! Now I know sports betting gets a bad wrap around this country and I understand that but don’t ever bet more than you can afford to loose! There is nothing better than looking at a lineup of spreads for the day and you keep scrolling through all the college great games. But then when you get to the end of the scrolling you see one match up left in the day at 11pm central time and that’s the Hawaii Rainbow Warriors vs some Mountain West program! My heart skips a beat and I instantly put $10 on Hawaii and the over! Does this mean I have a problem?… Now betting Hawaii overs have been a staple in my gambling career because for some reason they always spread the ball out and score more points than they probably should! With Timmy Chang coaching offense you should do nothing but expect the over to hit. This year the over has had a hard time going over the rainbow it seems to be sliding right underneath the apex but have no fear the most important reason why you bet Hawaii overs is that they seem to have lost all their defensive playbooks on the bus ride over to the stadium! It doesn't matter what stadium they are at or what team they are playing, the playbook is lost or maybe its the fact that they are smaller than every other team they go up against. I don't know what the reason is that they aren't the best on the defensive side of the ball but what i do know is no defense equals over.

So for one last time this year or for your first time ever take a little nap after the Ohio State, Michigan game, nobody wants to watch Minnesota vs Wisconsin battle it out on an Icey tundra of a field for Paul Bunyan's Axe anyways, the players families don’t even want to watch that game. It's going to be awful save your brain from that unwatchable disaster of a rivalry game. Instead stay up past your bedtime to witness palm trees' sway in the warm Hawaiian breeze and one of the great traditions throughout this country, watching the (4-8) Rainbow Warriors play football into the wee hours of the morning, inside Clarence T.C. Ching Athletics Complex and maybe, just maybe, throw a little cash down on Hawaii and The Over! Now it probably won’t hit because they kind of stink this year but just enjoy the north shore wave that the Timmy Chang coached Hawaii Rainbow Warriors will take you on! I can guarantee at some point you will get pitted with joy.

Dear Sean Peyton's Smug Face

Hi Sean, I’m just a lonely Broncos fan in a purple waved sea of Vikings fans rolling emotions who love to complain how bad Kirk Cousins is! I would greatly appreciate it if you could take time out of your busy schedule game planning to give up 70 points to a Dolphins team with a QB you thought should be benched last year, to explain to Vikings fans that life is not that bad with Kirk Cousins at the helm! Now I know this is probably beneath you since you have won a Super Bowl by cheating…. I didn’t mean that sorry that was out of line! I mean paying your players extra money to injury the other team is perfectly legal and you shouldn’t have been punished…. But hey at least you got an Adam Sandler movie made about your year off from the league… so you went back to coach high school football?… hmmm maybe you should of stuck to that…. 

Back to the more pressing issue the fact that your Denver Broncos team seems just a weeee bit off… I don’t want to point fingers and be rude but you did say that Nathanial Hackett did the worst coaching job you have ever seen but if I recall correctly his Denver Broncos team had a better record than your team at this point! I could be wrong about that but let me look it up…. One moment… nice weather in Miami today wasn’t it?…. You going to take the convertible out after the press conference to celebrate the great job you did today?… Just about done with my google search…. Oops miss spelled Nathanial… I forgot the I, A, L, because what grown man in their mid forties still goes by Nathanial just call yourself Nathan…. yes in fact I was correct the 2022 Nathanial Hackett lead Denver Broncos were 2-1 after week 3… and this just in his team didn’t give up 70 points in a game! 

Hmmm funny how you shouldn’t open your smug ass mouth about how bad someone else is at coaching before the season starts! Now I’m sure it’s not your fault that those players gave up 70 points on defense, your an offensive guy…. That was much better. The play calling was picture perfect especially around the goal line! Let’s not run the football let’s put the ball in the hands of your great Super Bowl winning QB Russell Wilson so he can over throw each receiver by 49 feet or 49 subway Danger Russ sandwiches! You are truly a genius…. One of the greatest…. Smug pieces of shits I’ve ever seen!

  I never thought in all my years staring at those beautiful Pantone: PMS 1655 C colored uniforms (by the way quick side note I looked up what shade of orange the Broncos wear thinking it would have a cool name like “fall meadow maple leaf burning mountain side because are planet is on fire orange” but I was wrong I got some code instead, very disappointed) Wear was I…. I never thought after all my years staring at those beautiful Pantone: PMS 1655 C colored uniforms (just rolls off the tongue) that I’d be longing for the days of Drew Lock rapping to Three 6 Mafia on the sidelines while Lord Fangs hovered over the defense like the Calise’s hovers on her dragons over the iron throne…. 

Good god do I miss you Fangs! 

Thanks again for your time and if you could get back to me with in a timely manor with a hand written letter about how things are much worse in Denver than Minnesota that would greattt! In the mean time Enjoy that Florida sunshine on your PMS 1655 C burnt face!