Welcome Back NFL! Oh Have We Missed You.

Well, well, well, we have finally made it to yet another year! I can’t believe it is already here. The leaves on my aspen tree haven’t even changed from Billie Eilish green to Ed Sheeran red yet. It still feels like someone left pizza rolls in the oven on 450 overnight outside. Hell, I sat in the sun for three minutes yesterday while enjoying a nice refreshing wheatgrass and kale smoothie after a nine-mile run through the park (is what I told my doctor) and I got more burnt than those pizza rolls that have been in the oven overnight. (I should really go get those… ahh they’ll be fine) Even the rusted wheel wells of the local creepy GMC ice cream van are still caroling down my street. It doesn’t feel like fall at all. But even though it feels hotter than Gollum’s fingernails after falling into the flames of Mount Dome. The calendar doesn’t lie, it still says September and you know what comes with the September heat. No! Not your uncle Doug’s 4th wedding in 4 years.

“Brett this one feels different I swear. Julie is the one this time.”

“Isn’t that what you said about wife number 2? What was her name again, it’s escaping me… Ooooh yeah… it was Julie!”

“Yeah, but this is different…”

“Is it?”

The NFL football season has finally arrived for you degenerate gamblers, fantasy footballers, ACL injury rooters (I have Jahmyr Gibbs in an ACL Death pool this year… Wow... That sounds worse out loud than I thought it would), helmetless Jimmy Garoppolo lovers and the people who just love the game of football. Wait people still watch football without stakes attached… Huh? Didn’t know that was still a thing… Is it bad that I’m more excited to stare into Jimmy’s eyes on the bench this year than when he was a mid tear starting quarterback? Oh, new idea for the NFL this year a Jimmy Garoppolo bench cam, could you imagine all the soccer moms and dads just swooning over the L.A. Rams bench, that might make more money than Sunday Ticket…

While I’m on the subject of Sunday Ticket, does someone want to explain to me why it cost $600 this year? Hey NFL/YoutubeTv, if you want to bankrupt ever sport bar in America this is a great plan. At least you are listening to you're biggest sponsor Bud Lights ad campaign “Real Men of Genius.” You know what… instead of paying $89 for a frozen strawberry daiquiri in a cactus shaped steamed glass that I will inevitably break when Bo Nix throws his 3rd pick in the first half, just so they can cover the cost of one month of Sunday Ticket, I’ll just buy a blender and a cactus shaped glass from Home Goods and watch redzone at home for $10 bucks. Now I know what you’re thinking,

“Brett you drink daiquiris on football Sundays?”

"Yes, yes, I do drink daiquiris, they are delicious. What’s it to you?"

Beep, Beep, Beep. Why is my fire alarm going off… ahhh shit… my pizza rolls may have officially started a fire… Do I use baking soda, water or an oil dampened rag to put out an oven fire… I think i'll try the oil damp rag I swear I saw Gordon Ramsay use it on Master Chef one time... Anywho, football season has arrived and so has the bitching… Instead of me complaining about the price it cost to watch my hapless Broncos try and win a game this year, let’s take some time to talk about the positives. On Thursday night we get an unbelievable game to start the 2024 season. A rematch of last year’s AFC Championship between The Swifties and The Phelp…sises? Strong Swimmers? Gold Members? Ray Lewis Fall Guys?… Ummm it’s a working title. But what a matchup we have for week 1. New look Chiefs offensive vs arguably the best defense in the league. An angry Ravens team lead by Lamar Jackson seeking revenge on a Chiefs defense that embarrassed him in the AFC Championship on the way to ending his seasons last year, all while the Chiefs raise their 3rd banner in 5 years. Oh… Thursday night is going to be fun at the loudest stadium in the country.

There are so many questions headed into the season. Will the new kickoffs lead to more action? Boy I hope it works better than it looks. Can the Chiefs lead by their bow-legged quarterback and some newly found receiver speed repeat for a third straight year. Will this finally be the year that Lamar stops fumbling his playoff opportunities and leads the Ravens to a Superbowl. Is C.J. Strouds encore going to be Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen or Friday by Rebecca Black. Is it possible that Joe Burrow doesn’t get a tiger scratch and can stay healthy for an entire season. Will Aaron Rodgers drink some backwoods amazon remedy labeled "fuente de la juventud" from an Ecuadorian drug store and lead the Jets to the promise land for the first time in 55 years. Will Tua's confidence and skills rise as much as his bank account has. Can Josh Allen with less weapons than a Meryl Streep movie lead the Bills to another division title. So many questions and that’s just the AFC.

The NFC is full of just as many question marks as the AFC like, can Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys finally stop choking on their own vomit in the playoffs. Will the motor city kitties driven by the kneecap biting Dan Campbell do what has never been done in the history of the Lions franchise. Can Kyle Shanahan with arguably the best roster in the league finally live up to his wizkid potential and win the big one. Will the Carolina Panthers win a game this year. Can Kirk Cousins use his very thick wallet as a step stool to lift the Falcons to a title. Can Kyler Murray scamper the Cardinals into the playoffs. Will Caleb Williams be the Patrick Mahomes of the NFC and lead the FIB's to a championship (if you don't know what a FIB is ask your friends from Wisconsin). But the biggest question of all is can someone from the NFC other than Tom Brady take down Patrick Mahomes? I’m looking at you Brock Purdy, Dak Prescott, Jordan Love, Jalen Hurts and Jared Goff.

“Really? That’s what the NFC is going to try and throw at Mahomes. Well, I’ll tell you one thing if Mahomes makes it to another Super Bowl he isn’t losing to those guys.”

“But Brett Nick Foles beat Tom Brady in a Super Bowl.”

“You know what you’re right. I have no comeback to that… Nick Foles did beat Tom Brady, so anything is possible.”  

So many questions will be answered this year and so many questions will remain unanswered like is Kirk Cousins good? There is one question that I can answer, am I excited for the start of the NFL season? That answer is simple and easy... Yes! There is something special about the start of the football season. Maybe it’s the changing of seasons. Maybe it’s the cool breeze blowing between my knees as I put out a small kitchen fire with an oil stained rag. Maybe it’s the sound of a betting ticket being crumpled up and thrown in the garbage after the Chargers give up 31 second half points to sunshine from Remember The Titans. Maybe it’s just an excuse to be lazy on a Sunday afternoon (like I need more reasons). Maybe it’s the joy of watching your fantasy team go off. Maybe your just glued to the tv just to get a glimpse of Taylor Swift in the crowd or maybe it’s just the fact we get to hang out with great friends, eat some good food and enjoy the sport we all love. So, whatever your reason is for watching football, enjoy the first weekend of hard hitting, fast-paced, bow-legged action because 20 plus weeks from now when the UFL kicks off and we are forced to watch Case Cookus vs A.J. McCarron, we will be clamoring for Bryce Young vs Derek Carr.

Thanks For Reading and Enjoy Week 1 of The NFL Season.