Dear Sean Peyton’s, Smug Face Part IV: Draft Day!

Soooo, let me get this right, stop me at any moment if any of this information is wrong. After dumping every good asset that the Broncos have acquired over the last… I dunno… 6 years. Your big off-season move was to to sign Mr. Steal Your Girl, Zach Wilson? Huh, not going to lie, I didn’t see that one coming. I know you and the Broncos organization are swimming in enough dead cap that 23-time Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps would drown, but this… this was your big offseason free agency signing. We’re going to try and chase down the the top of our division which includes the likes of Patrick Mahomes and Justin Herbert, with I’m seeing ghost… Zach Wilson??? “Umm excuse me Mr. Brett, Zach Wilson didn’t see ghost that was Sam Darnold.” “Oh yeah, your right that’s my fault, I get shitty Jets QBs mixed up all the time… now I know… Zach was the butt fumble guy.” “Ummm nooo that was Mark Sanchez…” “Boy I thought Denver had it rough…”

I know I ask this a lot with you, but umm, what’s the a… actual… a… plan here? I’m just wondering, did you sign Zach Wilson to come in and help guide a young rookie quarterback through his first year on how-to pick-up moms at an Applebees after 9pm on Tuesday? (Halfatizers am i right?) Did you sign him hoping that he could bring some Aaron Rodgers Ayahuasca knowledge to the team? Did you sign him to teach players how to properly tie a headband, so the hair sticks out justttt ever so slightly, that when the harsh Rocky Mountain breeze comes skiing down the mountains and hits those blond flowing locks, every mom in America comes sprinting over and says, “My daughter Stacy would be perfect for you.” Or did you sign him to be the starter thinking you can turn any quarterback into Drew Brees? Because we saw how well that went last year… Whatever the case may be, I hope you know what you're doing inside that sweat-stained visor of yours.

Since I got you here, what are your thoughts on the draft? Are we thinking of drafting the leftover scraps of the quarterbacks in the first round like Bo Nix or Michael Penix Jr.? Maybe a little offensive lineman to protect the newly acquired quarterback, I’ve heard it’s the best o-line draft class in a long time, wouldn’t hate that. What about one of those explosive receivers, to go up and catch some of those wounded ducks that will be flying over Mile High. Ahhh I know… I know... what you’re scheming in between those sweat stains… a trade. Who is it with? The Bears? Are we trading up to get Caleb Williams? "No Brett… that would cost way too much…" I don’t hate the idea of trading up to like 4th or 5th to go get one of the elite receivers like Marvin Harrison Jr. or Malik Nabers and then drafting a quarterback in the second round… But if you do decide to trade up, please, please don’t do so to take J.J. McCarthy, the last thing we need is another Zach Wilson roaming around the facility. There are clearly so many different scenarios that could happen on draft day, but I got one for you that might be beneficial for multiple teams…

I know the Chargers are in the same division as the Broncos and this trade is probably impossible but imagine if you could trade for an even better set of blonde locks than Zach Wilson and these don’t need a headband to make them look better… Justin Herbert might be available which is crazy to think about. Now hear me out, Jim Harbaugh loves his Michigan guys more than anything on this planet. So, we take advantage of that by trading I dunno… 3… maybe 4… first round picks (we have done it in the past for a worse quarterback) for Justin Herbert. Jim gets to keep his pick at 5, which will allow him the opportunity to draft his national championship winning quarterback from Michigan, J.J. McCarthy. But most importantly he gets an Applebee’s sized menu of picks to build around his young quarterback with. If your Jim, it kind of makes sense to trade Justin Herbert as crazy as it sounds.

I am far from a draft expert that’s for sure and I am even farther away from having the credentials or the brain capacity to be a GM in the NFL. I will leave this up to the experts of the world to try and figure out what’s best for the franchise even though it kind of seems like nobody knows how to evaluate quarterback play and how could you. It’s a giant leap from college to the NFL and nobody knows how these young kids will be able to handle playing quarterback against grown men who have being studying film for 30 plus years and know if your third eyelash from the right twitches ever so slightly you're throwing a swing pass to running back in the flat. If that wasn’t hard enough, just trying to handle life outside the comforter blanket of the facility must be an impossible task in itself with all the fans yelling you suck to overwhelming merchandising deals with companies that are doing nothing but trying to screw you over. Speaking of getting screwed over now you gotta look out for long time interrupter friends stealing your money to gamble. Me personally could never handle the day to day pressure of being the face of a billion dollar franchise. I would crumble into a million pieces and get picked up by a momma Bald Eagle, flown to the top of a red pine and be fed to her little Eaglets for dinner. I can see why a-lot of these first round quarterbacks bust, it truly is a lot of pressure for such a young person to grasp.

Well Sean, do I agree with the Zach Wilson trade? No, not at all, but I’m a fan, which means I think with that slow beating thing in chest instead of my decaying brain, but that doesn’t mean I could be proven wrong about Zach. I know the Jets have a way of messing up every young quarterback's career from Mark Sanchez to Sam Darnold. But who knows, under the right tutelage Zach could be great; I mean he was the 2nd overall pick in the 2021 draft after all. He must have some enduring qualities to be drafted that high besides his ability to wear a headband, but I wouldn’t have the slightest clue. I may not know anything about draft analysis, quarterback analysis, offensive line analysis or what X-Y-wide-left-tango-foxtrot-carrot-hunting-rabbit means when it’s being called at the line by gravelly voiced quarterback. But one thing I do know is that the local Denver Applebees are going to have lines out the door with people just trying to introduce their daughters to Zach Wilson’s tightly wrapped headband…

Thanks For Reading and Enjoy the 2024 NFL Draft.